I haven't ever spoken about it here, but I have another broken bond in my family. I've kept it private, and I will continue to keep the details private. But this morning, I've got to get some things out.
This broken bond, like so many you all have shared with me through the years, affects a child. He's caught in the crossfire. Because the adults in his life are angry, this child is banned from communicating with family. One of them is me.
I feel so cheated.
I feel angry.
I feel hurt.
I'd always dreamed of having a special relationship with this child. He'd come spend time with me in the summer. We'd swim in the river, play some games, look for caterpillars in the yard, have a Coke float, maybe swing in the hammock and watch lightning bugs.
That never happened.
And it never will.
He's growing up fast.
I know because I saw photographs of him this morning.
Which triggered this hurt and anger.
He and I are both being cheated from knowing one another.
If I could, I'd write him a letter. I'd have to keep all the adult junk out of it, of course. You know, like why he's not allowed to talk to me or come see us. Why the adults in his life are angry with me and are so selfish to keep him from knowing his family. But I'd like him to know at least how much I love him. How much I've missed having him in my life. How hard I've tried to reach out to him. How proud I am of the young man he's becoming and where he's headed in life.
I miss you, B. I love you so very, very, very much. And I hope someday, when it's your choice, you'll come see me and stay a night or two. Then together, we can sit beneath the stars, and you can share your dreams with me. Finally.
November 24, 2014
I miss knowing you so much. Please know that. We all do. We should all be a part of each other's lives, but we're not. I can't change that or fix it. All I can do is watch you grow from a far. And that's on a very limited basis. When you can, please reach out to us. We love you!!!!!